Tuesday, December 12, 2006

PMS Jokes

In honor of "that time" which is rapidly approaching (*sigh* better save myself some dark chocolate, I'm gonna need it...) I'm posting some PMS jokes I found on the internet.

Ten ways to know if you have PMS:
1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says "How's my driving- call 1-800-***-****."
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. You're convinced there's a God and he IS male.
8. You're counting down the days until menopause.
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

Why don't elephants use tampons?
Well would you if you had to put it in with your nose???

A couple was traveling from the US to Canada by motorcycle. A border guard decided to search the bike for contraband. He appeared to be delighted when an OB tampon rolled out of the saddlebag. With great gusto he pounced upon it exclaiming, "What's this?" It only took him a few seconds to figure out what "this" was, and he stopped his search immediately and scurried away.
(I'm imagining this one and laughing so hard, given my experience with border guards...)

What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a wounded mama bear seeing her little one attacked?
Well, the bear is more docile.

Why does it take four PMSing women to change a lightbulb?

What do elephants use as tampons?
Why do elephants have trunks?
Because sheep don't have strings
What's the moral of this joke?
Don't wear red sweaters!

PMS in the Bible
A preacher was telling his congregation that anything they could think of, old or new, was discussed somewhere in the Bible and that the entirety of human experience could be found there.After the service, he was approached by a woman who said, "Preacher, I don't believe the Bible mentions PMS [premenstrual syndrome]."The preacher replied that he was sure it must be there somewhere and that he would look for it.The following week after the service, the preacher called the woman aside and said PMS is in the Bible. He showed her a passage that read, "And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem."

These jokes came from the great website "Museum of Menstruation and Women's Health"

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